Uncle Allen is a terrible drinker, most people know that. And I just had a shot of whiskey and the first thing that came to my mind was: I wonder what kind of garbage essay will I produce when I am under the influence of alcohol. I know what most people are thinking, Uncle Allen, you cannot get drunk from simply a shot of whiskey! But trust me on the terrible drinker part, I get drunk like super fast and super easily.
Now let me continue to the main part of this blogpost. I was supposed to be writing an academic essay, but I got a bit bored so I'll write here for a while instead. For now I am only awake to the point that when wriggly lines appear on the screen I will be able to correct the typo, and sometimes I may be able to spot grammar mistakes and change them too. I understand how many break into a heartfelt rant in the state of drunkness, but strangely (and thankfully imo) my body functions in a different way. I feel my mind clears up when I drink, and I am able to think deeply when I am in this state. But wait, how is that different from a heartfelt rant then? Am I not saying what I wish to say deep inside, which I am unable to because of social constraints? If we recognise that such constraints exist, we also agree that we are able to exercise our logical free wills unto our speech and actions. Now if you have read any of the other nonsense I have posted before, you can easily spot that I am not a fan of free will - it is not that I do not think that it does not exist, but it is so little that it is negligible.
Take for instance when I was at the barber the other day, two kids were let into the shop by their mums and they behaved like devils raised from hell - screaming, jumping, climbing and making a nuisance to their best of their abilities, while the mums just pretended to not see any of that. I wanted to confront these lazy and irresponsible parents so badly, but in the end I just walked away. Now, it may seem that I have successfully willed for proper behaviour from myself - to not cause a scene in public for no good reason (not a fan of moral justice either) - but in fact the thought of confrontation has ran though my mind for a significantly sufficient number of times for it to mean something.
Here, I am attempting to question free will at its very base again, does free will control action, or can free will control intention too? I was able to stop myself from acting, but in my mind I could not help but think of nasty and witty things to say to piss off the parents so badly. Provided I did make some scary stares at the kids when they were annoying me during the haircut (bopped their heads in front and out of the mirror and knocked the metal chair handles repeatedly), there was nothing significantly done to express my displeasure towards them nor their parents. All the thoughts were in preparation for giving these awful people an earful, but what was the point of those preparations when in the end, I did nothing at all? Instead of seeing this as an eventual suppression of one's actions, I feel this should also be viewed as a case where one was completely unable to control one's own emotions and intentions. I was not able to be nonchalant and apathetic in the face of nuisance despite knowing that whatever I could and may do was for naught in the end (Even if I managed to make the parents apologise, so what? The whole experience was ruined.) I felt I knew I would not do anything about this eventually, yet I did not, or I will say, was not able, to stop myself from feeling animosity towards these people and thinking about how to deal with them later.
In the face of emotion it seems, that little bit of logical free will we possess is powerless. And considering how emotional creatures we humans are, regardless of how apathetic we - pretend - to be, it is only fair to describe logical free will as a 'little bit' as it is insignificant in controlling what we intend to do, most of the time.
No comments:
Post a Comment