This started out as a discussion about having pre-conceived notions of one's life long love, one's perceived 'the-one'; but halfway through the brainstorming, I suddenly do not have a standpoint on whether it is a good or bad thing. So instead, I will not present my conclusion and my answer to this problem, but instead the brainstorming process. Strangely enough, it even helped me get a glimpse of the answer to one of the great eternal question of "what is love".
I began this thought process when I heard this line on the television, the rough translation goes like this: "Please forgive me for being unable to imagine your looks before the moment I meet you." This got me thinking, yes it is being slightly romantic and unrealistic, thanks to idol dramas and stardom, magazines and what not resulting our notions of beauty to be shaped... I digress... But if you think about this carefully, we aren't prophets, how do we know what our future partner whom we will (hopefully) spend our lives with look like? This is where the argument starts to complicate. On one hand, everyone has traits they wish to look for when finding a partner, imagine a checklist of qualities, it is good to have a direction when searching, and know what exactly is that you want before jumping in. Surely love can't just be random, and simply relies on you waiting for a 'feeling' to mark its beginning? BUT on the other hand, this part was my original stand on this topic, the quote is trying to say that we should not be holding the checklist in our faces while searching; so what if he/she does not make the height requirement on the list, or whether he/she likes dogs? Doing so is like carrying to the streets a mould in the shape of a human being, and asking everyone to lie in it and if they fit they are the one - some people's list are way harder to fit than simply a pair of glass slippers. In the end I can assure you, one will be either lonely forever, or eternally burdened by the fact that the one you eventually marry did not actually fit the bill. The problems with "settling" for someone (or thinking that you have settled for someone) whom you think is not good enough will be addressed at a later date.
Another problem with having a checklist is sometimes one is not really true to said checklist; as most of us have seen and may even have experienced in life, people fall 'in love' with a pretty face, and they start mapping the traits from their list onto the person. Whenever they do something that seemingly fit your list, you exaggerate small things into sure signs that they are really 'the-one' and convince yourself that this in it is the signal for the arrival of true love. And that sparks another problem, what makes you think that if someone fits your list, you most definitely fit theirs? Combined with the one listed above about it blinding your judgement of potential partners, I hope I have convinced you that perhaps you should put down the checklist when looking for love.
On the flip side however, how can one not have a list? If we do not have requirements, can we simply pick anyone? This side of the argument is self explanatory, so I shall move on.
Also just an additional argument, I feel most of the time people are not honest with their lists because it is morally wrong to be superficial and materialistic for whatever reason. My assumption is that everyone's list is actually way longer than what they think it is, but this part has to wait till another day.
In the end however, I feel the person most people end up picking is actually more random than what we imagine they are, especially if you can agree with me we all have a list - mentally or physically present - and said list lists numerous qualities that some time are not compatible with each other (say you want a fast food fanatic who is healthy, you get what I mean). I propose looking at love as something randomly generated.
Consider these questions: Are everything on your list logical? I like petite girls, for no reason. The list in itself is some sort of a random generation. Returning to the 'waiting for a feel' question, sometimes we feel a connection that may or may not be logical - 17 year old me says "it's all about the face - but considering beauty is a perspective thing, the preference that results in the feel of being 'in love' is random. Sometimes one may fall in love with an act, and said act can too be completely random and out of the other person's character. So even if they fit onto the list, the process of fitting in is random. So when 21 year old me say that "love is what you think it is", I think I'm not actually very far away from there. Love therefore cannot be determined by a list, and therefore I will even it cannot be determined by anything, and simply just generated randomly.
Love cannot be arranged, as it opposes free will - that is something most will agree with. At the same time, trying to determine who you will love and for what and why you love whom seems to suggest there is a way to arrange and rationalise the way we feel emotionally, and even if you cannot agree with me that emotions are random, you can at least agree with me that neither can they be logically determined.
Consider one last thing: If you make up a list based on the things your friends and parents expect in your partner (consciously or not, i will say subconsciously we all have that burden), and when you find someone with those qualities and you fall in love - can you say you have willed and loved freely? Or is it no different from an arranged marriage? If you agree with me on this point, surely the only explanation for all forms of love can only be that all love is random.
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